#IdontSUFFERinSILENCE

                             MONDAY FEELING



How is everyone's Monday going so far? This blog will probably be me speaking about everyday struggles, Sitting at my desk whilst the rain pours outside hitting against my window sill a little jazz playing on my record player and the sweet scent of misty watermelon candle flowing in the background,  have you ever just sat for one moment when it's all silent and thought about things in depth, when your mind works overtime, it's easier for me to write it all down step by step to work out the best actions to take to make things better again, everyone has struggles whether it's health, breakups, family law matters, social services, debt life can be a minefield of stresses, most people will look at me and either see a Closed book or a happy full of life lady who wears a smile every single day, however, this is not correct actually it's far from it I have my weaknesses I have my moments where I feel as though everyone has failed. I feel as though no one understands as though I am at war with everyone, fighting against the clock to make sure things return to normal because 6 months ago they were. Before this everything was perfect well as near to perfect as they can be.  now I'm trying to get that back, stress to me is feeling defeated every single day it plays around in your mind overthinking things, feeling drained and exhausted because the situation a person can be in. Stress can make you ill if you can't manage it right. A support network helps manage stress which helps me make peace with stress,
I am just an ordinary person with two beautiful little boys always busy and taking time to make sure others are okay, never thinking I would be sat here now explaining to myself where things went wrong. LIE  is the big key here to work out how to make all the wrongs right. because this is exactly what happened someone lied and I had to suffer which is easy to fix because the person came forward so that can be marked off, however, what if it's too little too late? this is exactly how things are now was too late these people had an opinion. People fail all the time when They don't do what they have learnt to do be professional. there are so many people out there going through such a bad time at the moment I needed you to know your not on your own. people suffer In silence because of guilt or feeling embarrassed whatever the reason and how stress is affecting your life we should be able to fight it together. I was writing this today for myself for no one to read it or to judge me but after realising I have nothing to hide or to run away from my blog is all about me the goods and the bads if I were to erase this now then I would be setting the wrong example I would be FAKE which I am not I was told not that long ago that speaking to a stranger sometimes helps more because they don't know you and easy to switch off and return to normal life. so by me expressing my feelings to hundreds of strangers because then I can switch off, I can return to my day to day life without worrying that I have upset someone or someone I know is judging me.Its been six months since I started writing this and for some reason, I switched off I went blank I lost all motivation, I did not believe in myself anymore and that is the problem if you can’t believe in yourself  no one else will, there are so many people today who feel alone, worried, stressed even scared and it’s worrying to think how many people today actually have support, Through my journey, I have met some incredible people who once upon a time did not have support struggled on their own self doubting their selves see life is a pathway and a lot of the time people Get stuck they freak out and change the direction. the problem there is they end up on the wrong path even through no fault of their own. just to reach out to one person and ask are you okay? It only takes a few seconds to ask that yes you may think it’s simple and easy but to others it’s actually the start to a new beginning  why you may ask, well that’s because a few years ago everything was bottled up so much over such a long period of time that I was never asked that simple easy question and then one day I was asked are you okay for a moment it was silent but for that one person asking me if I was okay made me realise sit back and think my reply was no I am not  it was then that I realised that actually I am not on my own even though  I felt I had been for so long, that was the start of my beginning he remains in my life to this day and has always been that  one person who can sit in a silent room but Just him  being there makes it a lot more Exceptable, I except that not  all things can not be fixed however you can appreciate life to the your best ability and work alongside things instead of against them, I am not perfect and I have messed up just like everyone else has but my problem is I hate on my self and can’t get over things unlike some people can, I could lock my self away and hide which I did do on some occasions when I thought it was easier to do so, it is sometimes good to take time to your self enjoy your self  find that inner friend in your self so it isn’t always a negative being on your own, I can be on my own and enjoy my own company doing things that only I like to do with out any hassle. But now looking back I believe I was truly blessed because in April 2009 my whole life changed for the better and Actually looking back now I actually lead a boring life because I’d prefer to spend all my days with my little darlings than by my self, life experiences can only make a person stronger He made me feel unconditional love, he made me feel worried, anxious he made me feel tired as well as so much joy and happiness he made me a mum and for that, I am truly blessed. Even the hardest times around our little bubble would never stop that feeling and bond a mother and child have it just makes the mother protect and fight that little bit harder and boy I certainly did that, and to think in 2013 I was blessed again by my youngest child, I always think what did I do to deserve them they are just perfect little beings, see self-doubt again. I could talk about my children for hours because together they make the perfect brothers look out for one another, the oldest sibling always looking after the youngest sibling, playing nicely together I could sit and watch them play for hours before I jump in and ruin it by being an annoying mummy, that happens quite often but I can not help my self lol. see if I were to say now if I could go back and change the past then know I would not because if I did then my little boys would not be here today I’d take it all again because I know they are my future, things happen for a reason and I would like to think good things happen to those who wait,  life isn’t easy and sometimes things get worse before they get better but life is how you make it I believe that now. No one needs to feel as thou they are on their own because you don’t need to be there is always a listening ear if you want it, but you need to want it first believe me it can take a long time to reach out but a weight gets lifted when you are finally ready all the built-up anger releases the weakness goes you finally find yourself again, don’t suffer in silence! which leads me to today things have changed not always what you expect or want things to plan out but it could be worse my little boys are10  years and 6years old and spend a lot of time with me they are proving to be quite the little charmers, both Blossoming in school and after school activities which I could not ask for anything more, they make me so proud to be able to see, I suffer from anxiety And panic attack’s often high drives me I am finding ways to chill and control them which is good and my support network is brilliant nowadays which it never used to be, see I did not want to go into the full depth of my story because I still now believe that I would be judge however just know that you don’t have to alone,  just taking those small steps at the beginning helps, it takes time but I believe things can only get better now it’s taken a long time to get to this stage in my life but I feel positive and loved and also understood.


A quote I like to say is
It’s okay to feel unstable.
It’s okay to disassociate.
it’s okay to hide from the world.
It’s okay to need help.
It’s okay not to be okay
Your mental health is not your personal fail


Anxiety, so many of us suffer from some form of mental health, is it just me or has there been a time where you could be sitting down watching the tv, or playing a game, even cleaning the house or outside socialising when all of a sudden it hits you, you feel as though your heart is trying to escape your chest, feeling every single beat your heart takes, palms become sweaty and feel a slight head rush. Yes, I have been there I was out shopping just at Aldi and whilst I was putting the shopping on the till it started, not feeling comfortable in my surroundings, Aldi being extremely busy did not help the situation at all. The heart was pacing, I could not sit still and I felt light-headed, I thought everyone was looking at me, a sudden feeling of not knowing how to breathe it was horrendous, luckily everyone in the store was amazing and helped me, kept my mind busy which also helps. I managed to leave Aldi and arriving home I cried to my partner, my partner just being there listening to me explain what had happened. He gets me and I  appreciate him so much for just sitting there and Listening. through my life experiences, there have been quite a few different events in my life which have caused a lot of pain mentally I know that all of us are different and handle situations differently but I would like to know that if anyone is reading this now and feels like they have nowhere to turn, I just want you to know that even thou there area lot off support charities out there, friends and family even wok colleagues, I am just a message away, I want you to know that I  am here to listen to.

I'm looking forward to finishing off my counselling course, I have always wanted to work with families, single persons. why do I want to help people may you ask?
well, the answer is  I want to offer my support that I  did not receive at the time and made me get to the place I ended up, yes I had support in the end but was later on down the line, it was not as easy as it is now to ask and receive support.



There are a few things I like to do which helps me, it may work for me but not for you however any strategy is worth a try. 1st thing I do is drink lemon and ginger shots, this drink is great for overall health, I will be writing my recipe and the benefits of this drink very soon, I drink this in the evening before bed with hot water I have been drinking this every day since my youngest son arrived on this planet. and I also take a shot on its own from the fridge in the morning. extremely refreshing with a little kick to it.

2nd thing I do, go to bed in the evening listening to 2 different hypnosis for anxiety and positive minds I mix it up a little and chose between Micheal  and Francis, can find amazing hypnosis on youtube as well which I listen to as well
3rd thing I do I switch of from Facebook social media early evening because, to be honest, there is always something negative that pops up I choose to watch comedy instead or I use my notebook to reflect and write things down, or you could find me on my laptop, I  always have something I want to write down for my blog, I always find my self in my children's art cupboard going for the coloured pens, I am really into my adult colouring book at the moment I can spend hours, music on in the background whilst I am colouring in, its satisfying when you actually finish the full picture, I even take this time to have my two little boys involved with arts and craft, building tunnels, dens, colouring or painting we have so much fun making a mess, just small things like this keeping your mind active it really does help.

also please remember if they actually care about you then they will always understand that when you are having an of day,  and rather have some time to your self it does not mean you don't care and not interested in your friendship or relationship and they will wait for you to be ready, without giving you a lecture.

remember DO YOU, everyONE else can wait

all my love sharleeigh xxx